Game Review - Eiyu*Senki

Growing up, people told us playing video games was going to rot our brains. We sure showed them, huh? Gamers have always found new and creative ways to keep their mind sharp as a tack, thanks to a healthy amount of challenging titles that encourage creativity and critical thinking. And even though our goal here at Nutaku is to help you get hard, not think hard, we’ve got more than a few games that’ll expand your mind just as much as your… erm, horizons.

(Yep, definitely what we were going to say there.)

Eiyu*Senki is one of these “galaxy brain required” titles. The hit SRPG (Strategy Role-Playing Game) series dates back to 2014, and is just as devilishly challenging as it is deliciously sexy. While you might be fooled by the simplicity of the game’s 3x6 tile-based combat and adorable art style, don’t let your guard down. Oyari Ashito’s soft and approachable anime girls are a comforting ruse, because if you want to get their clothes off, you’ll need to prove yourself as a master strategist and worthy leader.

What – you thought these strong, sultry ladies were going to take off that heavy armor for any ol’ simp with two brain cells? Not a chance! To prove your worth, you’ll need to lead them to victory in a grueling conquest that pits them against some of the world’s biggest global superpowers. Only the wisest and most capable kings will be able to command a strong army of knockout knights, seduce and recruit women from around the world, and prove the glory of Zipang to the world. (You know – king stuff!)

From your world map, you’ll pick familiar targets and lead your army to their shores. As you lay siege to their kingdoms in the name of Zipang, you’ll strike down and seduce familiar figures from world history – all depicted as anime girls, naturally! If you ever wanted to see Christopher Columbus and Commodore Perry get knocked down a few pegs, storm their beaches and beat the violent colonizers at their own game. Team up with Montezuma and Geronimo and help them teach their invaders a few lessons, then work out the rest of your bloodlust through some hot n’ heavy sex. The world’s history is a blank slate, waiting for you to rewrite and reshape it how you see fit. From Billy The Kid to Beethoven, from Da Vinci to Sir Francis Drake, Eiyu*Senki lets you make your kinkiest historical fantasies come true with the magic of waifus!

But conquering the world isn’t as easy as all that, as Eiyu*Senki makes you work for its addictive tactical battles and lush sex scenes. Every character has extremely specific strengths and weaknesses, meaning you’ll need to look before you leap in most cases. Pay close attention to your girls’ passive advantages and weaknesses, and build up well-rounded teams before going into each battle. It’s not enough to just hammer at enemy weaknesses or grind out levels until you win, which is a surefire way to doom your kingdom! Pay close attention to each character, and figure out how best to use them in different circumstances. Only then can you stand a chance against ferocious leaders like Napoleon and Sun Tzu – in and out of the bedroom!

So, if you get all your workouts done at your local library, get off on the idea of rewriting history, and have secret fantasies about doing Hannibal Barca from behind, look no further. Eiyu*Senki’s got a learning curve to it, but if you stick with it, the clever and devious SRPG is one of the most rewarding gaming experiences Nutaku’s got on tap. After all, Tenco knows what’s best in life: to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and make it up to them with great sex afterwards!

(Erm… that is the Conan quote, right?)